Can You Trust A Cheater?

20140414-124822.jpg

I understand the thought process behind having a reminder chat about infidelity with a significant other who has been unfaithful in the past. You want to make your position clear. You want to look into that person’s eyes and hope for assurance that they will not slip up. But should it really be necessary? Does this scream, I don’t trust you?

I love reality TV. But I can’t watch in real time from the UK. I was catching up on Basketball Wives LA the other day. Aside from the messy meet up that was Jackie, her daughter, and Draya – with her man in tow – all bickering over who said what, the cameras jumped in bed with new cast member British and her fiancé Lorenzo.

The topic of conversation was British’s trip to France with the girls. So far British has been very candid about her relationship with Lorenzo. She revealed past cheating incidents and said that she has forgiven him. I think that we can all appreciate her honesty. She’s not trying to portray a flawless relationship. This is why I can understand her perspective when she proceeded to drill Lorenzo on his expected behavior while she is in France.

British goes on to tell him how she expects him to act while she is away, the places that he should go, and if I’m not mistaken, she threatens him with a serious “I’m not playing with you” scowl. Watching this for me somehow felt wrong. I felt as though I was eavesdropping on a couple’s intimate conversation. Mainly because it seemed as though British was talking to her son as opposed to her fiancé. I was a little embarrassed for both of them. It’s one thing for your partner to read you and bring up the things that you’ve done wrong in the past, but while America watches, yikes. Lorenzo took it like a champ. He laughed off her insecurities and assured her that he would be on his best behavior.

The first thing that came to my mind, does he need to have this type of conversation with her every time they are apart? I can only imagine that would be draining for a person. And this is where the problem with forgiving a cheater comes in. I know, I know…”but I love him/her.” This may be true. However, as the person that has been cheated on, you become over paranoid in every circumstance. If you were never like that before, you will be after. And if you say otherwise, I’m just going to call bullsh*t right now!

This type of circumstance ultimately changes who you are and how you act. Is that fair? Probably not to either party if you really think about it. They have to constantly deal with your nagging. Now you’re the clingy, over protective, suspicious type when before you may have been the carefree type.

My question, is it possible to completely put your full trust in your cheater after the transgression has been exposed? I want to hear what you think. And as for Lorenzo’s behavior, I guess we will see tonight (or tomorrow for me).

xoxo,
Ahyiana Angel

Yikes, My Crush and Ex Flame Are Friends

20140410-083054.jpg

Have you ever been in a situation that you couldn’t anticipate, but you could’ve avoided, and somehow you didn’t?

Let’s just start with the moment that I walked into the house party in Brooklyn. It was packed. A tad sweaty due to the summertime heatwave. But not even the heat could distract me from the fineness that I spotted by the makeshift drink table. Never pressed, I circulated through the tight quarters before finally ending up in close proximity to my new cutie. Nothing sparked immediately, but by an hour later we were chatting over party wings, smiling, and flirting. I was sure that he would ask for my number. His build was a bit larger than I liked but his chiseled features made up for it. His dark brown eyes gave me the once over, I smiled then he moved in closer and asked if he could take me out sometime. I played it cool and agreed. After I gave him my information I made up an excuse to depart. I headed to the other side of the party. Can’t be a stage five clinger.

The margarita’s must have started to kick in because I felt a flash of tingles then I had to hit the bathroom. I didn’t want to break the seal, but I had no choice. After I took care of my business and freshened my lipstick, I was ready to get back into action. When I opened the bathroom door the darkness in the hallway was suddenly illuminated by the light. And there was his face, clear as day. It was my former lover standing right in front of me. My first reaction was shock. I just hoped that my face didn’t display it.

Read more.

xoxo
Ahyiana Angel

Essence.com Feature – ‘Why I’m Spending 110 Days in Europe’

Thank you to all who have already read the Essence piece, which came out yesterday. For those who are just now catching up :-) a portion of the story is below and you can click on “read more” below for the full story. #preseasonlove

Ahyiana Angel_Essence 4-6-13

Last year around this time I had just wrapped up another successful NBA All-Star weekend while working for the league as a sports entertainment publicist. I knew that it would be my last. I’d been working on writing my first manuscript for the previous nine months, staying up late to write on nights and weekend because I knew I wanted out.
My career was no longer fulfilling me. By the time that I decided to walk away, I was putting the finishing touches on my first novel, Preseason Love.

I didn’t have a publishing deal. But I had faith. I knew that I was taking a huge chance, however, I believed in myself. Three months after I took that enormous leap of faith I was offered a publishing deal. I was overwhelmed.

Read more…

xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

Ahyiana Angel_Emblem Small

Preseason Love!!!

20140403-194524.jpg

This has been an awesome journey and I’m pleased to share with you all that my debut novel, Preseason Love, is finally official and ready for pre-order!!!

I’m completely overwhelmed right now but feeling super blessed.

A huge thank you to everyone that supported me way back from when this was an idea that I was determined to make a reality. Yesssss!!!

That’s all for now. I’ll include the full synopsis and links below.

xoxo
Ahyiana Angel

Preseason Love
A new city, a loving boyfriend, and a professional athlete amount to a scandalous affair in this drama-filled debut novel told through the eyes of an emotionally conflicted sports publicist.

Scottie is a sassy risk taker who is not quite ready to deal with the pain of a failed relationship. On a whim, she uproots her life as an entertainment publicist in Los Angeles to move to New York City. Instead of attacking her relationship issues with the same determination that she uses in her professional career, she blocks out her unresolved emotions and starts a steamy romance with a handsome publicist named Kari.

When Scottie lands a highly coveted publicist position with The League, her unresolved relationship issues creep to the surface. Surrounded by sexy professional athletes, Scottie ignores Kari’s insecurities and allows herself to be lured in by the thrill of a weekend trip in the arms of a millionaire and star athlete.

But when things go awry and Scottie runs back to the loving arms of Kari, she’s hit with a numbing reality: Kari has secrets of his own, and Scottie isn’t the only one at fault. Before long, she is back in where she started, crushed and abandoned. Only now, she’s truly ready to be loved. So whose arms will she end up in—and what will be her final play in this crazy game of love? – See more at: http://books.simonandschuster.com/Preseason-Love/Ahyiana-Angel/9781593096120#sthash.aZWTj2Ut.dpuf

I Couldn’t Pay Up

20140330-152141.jpg

I knew it was wrong from the start. Nothing in life is ever free. At least that’s what my mom always told me. At some point, in one way or another, you will pay.

I’m shaking my little groove thang at the hottest club in Miami, getting my VIP status on when I feel someone tap me from behind. It wasn’t one of my girls because they were all in my line of sight straight ahead. I had two choices: ignore the tap and keep dancing or turn to face my tapper. Well if you don’t know, now you know…I’m too darn nosey to not find out who tapped me. So I turned around and my first thought was Shabba! What are you doing here? Ok it wasn’t Shabba Ranks, and I’m wrong for that, but he was definitely giving me that vibe. He was a little shorter than Shabba but everything else measured up.

He extended his hand as if to dance. I wasn’t interested but something in me said yes instead of no. We fake danced for a song or two while he grilled me with questions in his Saint Lucian accent. I felt like I was being interviewed for a feature story that I knew nothing about. He may have sensed that I was getting annoyed with the questions by my short answers so he invited me to his table for a drink. Soon he was attempting to revel me with the stories of his families prominence back on the island by yelling over the music that was blaring in the club. I couldn’t function anymore. I figured the bathroom card was a safe bet to break away so I politely tried to excuse myself, but not before he insistently put my number in his phone. I figured that he was harmless so I gave him the right number. Plus I’ve never been the girl to give out the wrong number. It was too much work to remember the lie over and over again if he couldn’t get it right the first time. Then let’s not even get into the guy calling you right on the spot and your phone is in your hand but it’s not ringing.

Anyway, I went about my business to the restroom and never saw him again that night. At least a week had gone by and I’d completely forgot about the harmless man from the Caribbean. When my phone rang one evening with a number that I didn’t recognize I answered. Of course it was him. I knew that it was him. I was bored and up for a little chit chat so I didn’t care. After roughly five minutes on the phone our conversation was going well and he was sweet. Then my phone cut off. It had been acting up lately so I wasn’t surprised. I gave it a few seconds then turned it back on and almost instantly he called right back. I apologized for the sudden disconnect and mentioned that I needed a new phone because mine had been acting up lately. Without hesitation he asked, “Do you want me to send you the money for a new phone? What phone do you want?”

I said, “No, no thank you, you don’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I want to,” he said. “If that will make talking to you easier then that is what I want to do.”

“Okay,” I said.

We continued on with our getting-to-know-you conversation and by the time that ended he was telling me how he would send me the Western Union information in the morning, and he did. The next day by noon I had the money for my new iPhone in hand. I waited around for the catch but there wasn’t one. He didn’t even call me later that day. I was surprised.

A few weeks went by and we talked here and there. Nothing too crazy just normal communication between two people that just met. I wasn’t used to taking money from men so I didn’t know if I should have sent him a thank you card or what. Of course I verbally expressed my appreciation and he never brought it up again so that was that.

The holidays were coming up and I was planning to fly home to Cali to be with my family. I’d waited too long to purchase my ticket so they were extremely high. In conversation I mentioned that I was going home and how high the tickets were. On cue, he asked if he could help. This time the help was just what I needed, so I accepted. In the back of my mind I wondered where this relationship was going. Was this his thing? Did he like just throwing money away on random women that he barely knew?

I wondered but I couldn’t be bothered, so I didn’t. He sent me a thousand dollars for my ticket and I was happy. Weeks passed with little to no communication from the Saint Lucian sugar daddy. I was packing for my trip home when I got a text message from him. It said that he was in New York. Pause! What did he mean he was in New York?! To do what I thought. To see who?

I ran to go tell my roommate when the phone in my hand started chiming some stupid song. I almost dropped it because I knew it was him. I looked at the screen then hit ignore. I needed a moment to think. I flopped down on the couch and the chiming started again. I had to put my big girl shoes on and answer. I’d accepted money from him, the least that I could do was answer.

“Hey baby, I’m in your city,” he said.

I was stuck. Silent. Trying to think of an appropriate response. Keep in mind I never thought that I would see this man again.

“Uh, okay,” I said.

“I’m on my way to come see you,” he said very matter-of-fact.

Why? I thought to myself.

“Well I’m not home right now.”

“When will you be home?”

I could tell this was going to end bad.

“I have my things with me and I need to drop them at your place,” he said.

At that moment I knew that I had clearly missed the conversation where we discussed this and everything was arranged.

I asked, “Why?”

He instantly popped attitude,”So you take my money, I help you whenever you need and now I need a reason to stay at your place?”

Oh hell, here we go.

“Let’s get one thing clear, I never once asked you for a dollar just like you never once asked if you could stay with me. I have a roommate, it’s not cool for you to stay with me. Good night and good luck.”

After I hung up the phone it immediately began to chime again. He called back-to-back for what felt like an hour. My only comfort was that he didn’t know where I lived. By the time that I went to sleep that night the phone that he financed had more than fifty missed calls from him. Lesson learned, everything has a price.

xoxo
Ahyiana Angel

He Bowled Me Broke

20140324-113842.jpg

At my Sippin’ Sassy event in DC we spoke on the topic of online dating. I posed the following question: Is online dating a sign of desperation? I asked the question not expecting the response to be an overwhelming yes. I really thought that we were past the idea that online dating is for the bored, lonely, and socially awkward few.

I fit into none of the above categories (at lest not that I know of), but the ads that repeatedly popped up on my TV screen finally sucked me in one day. I figured like most, what do I have to lose? Worst case I would run into a bunch of nut jobs. Best case I would go out on a date with someone that I actually had an interest in. So I signed up. Well that’s actually a lie. I trolled the pages of said website to see what the prospects were looking like first. I didn’t see anyone that immediately caught my attention but I was still curious enough to proceed with the sign up process.

My first few days were overwhelming. I was clueless to the process so I left the email notifications on. The next thing you know my inbox looked like spam central. I had notifications from the site telling me everything from who was a potential lurker to who simply peeked at my profile. It was flattering but I immediately hit disenable. Once over that hurdle I was able to sift through the good, bad, and not so easy on the eyes.

Then it happened, I bumped into the page of a little cutie that seemed to have potential. His profile said that he measured in at 6’2” with a slim basketball build. His pretty Colgate smile is what really sucked me in though. We all know that I’m a sucker for a smile. I responded to his inbox message and soon after we skipped the site messenger all together and jumped to phone conversations. He was younger than me but his conversation appeared to be mature plus he was engaging. It didn’t take long before we met in person. Of course I took the normal precautions We met at a popular restaurant in Times Square. If he had plans on killing me he would have to do it in front of all 1 million tourists.

Initially his youth only showed in the innocence in his face. He was extremely handsome and I quickly realized that I enjoyed his company. We began going out on a regular basis. Things were developing nicely until he decided to invite me to Brooklyn to hang out. I love Brooklyn, especially in the summertime, so I was down. We went to a popular hipster bowling alley where we gazed into each other’s eyes, sipping on cocktails, and feeding each other appetizers while we waited for a lane to open up.

We flirted and bowled for at least three games just enjoying each other’s company. Then the waitress came to see if we were ready to close out. Our game was done so we said sure. He had covered our drinks and appetizers at the bar so I figured I could pick up the tab for bowling. I had already given her my card before we started bowling so I told her to charge it. She came back with the receipt and I wanted to blow my imaginary whistle because there must have been a mistake. The bill was over $100! For bowling! But I didn’t want to act up so through gritted teeth I signed the receipt and tried not to look annoyed. My date chimed in that he was shocked at the price as well. Gee thanks buddy I appreciate your sympathy, that’s what I thought to myself.

A couple of days later we spoke on the phone and out of nowhere he tells me how he had been telling his mother hen co-worker about our ridiculously expensive bowling date. I was waiting for the point since it was still a sensitive subject. Then he got to the punch line of the story…the fact that he let me pay. He cracked up laughing. I finally saw his immaturity. First off, did I expect him to pay once I saw how much the bill was? No. But could he have offered to put something on it? That would have been a nice gesture. Second, did I expect him to go back and tell the cackling hens at work then proceed to laugh about it at my expense? Hell no! And for that, I dropped his a**. I took a day to let it sit then I broke it off the next day.

I never returned to the online dating site. The real life fools that I had met thus far were enough, I didn’t need cyber fools in my life too.

xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

Playing In Paris

My trip to Paris was everything that I anticipated and so much more. I can see why people fall in love with the city. The culture, the language, the accent, the quaint little streets…j’adore it all.

I took a long walk along the Seine River on Friday, which ended up leading me by the Love Locked bridge, and eventually to Le Eiffel Tower. As I began to get closer to the Tower my excitement increased. Once I finally hit the corner and the entire vision of beauty was revealed, I was overwhelmed. It was more spectacular than I could have imagined. I instantly started snapping away like a true tourist. Meanwhile groups of friends and couples alike were spread out on the grass sipping wine and enjoying the evening.

20140316-215706.jpg

20140316-215749.jpg

20140316-215935.jpg

20140316-220014.jpg

20140316-220045.jpg

20140316-220118.jpg

20140316-220202.jpg

We went for a walk through a local street market like locals. Purchased a bunch of goodies for a Sunday brunch.

20140316-220414.jpg

20140316-220433.jpg

20140316-220450.jpg

20140316-220611.jpg

20140316-220633.jpg

20140316-220707.jpg

20140316-220724.jpg

20140316-220804.jpg

20140316-220830.jpg

Found a local restaurant where bras were the theme. This was hanging like a chandelier.

20140316-221310.jpg

A little live street art.

20140316-221938.jpg

20140316-222048.jpg

20140316-222127.jpg<

<a href="http://

Patio chillin with my girl Myleik. The perfect way to end a beautiful trip to Paris.

20140317-172818.jpg

Venturing Out!

As you know I’ve been in London a little over a month now. It’s time to hit the road and see what some other cities have to offer for a bit. Tomorrow I’m heading on my own little personal three city tour! First stop, Paris!

Before I go, I’ll leave you with a few photos leading up to my departure. This week I experienced a cool little underground restaurant/bar where you even had to speak in code to enter. Check my Instagram @Ahyiana_Angel for the full story. I had brunch with an amazing group of women. All from the states and all doing big things in London. You’ll see pics from my impromptu tea stop which was really a crepe stop ha. Hope you enjoy!

xoxo
Ahyiana Angel

20140312-110212.jpg

20140312-110254.jpg

20140312-110310.jpg

20140312-110336.jpg

20140312-110421.jpg

20140312-110439.jpg

20140312-110505.jpg

20140312-110534.jpg

20140312-110558.jpg

20140312-110639.jpg

20140312-110659.jpg

20140312-110715.jpg

20140312-110731.jpg

20140312-110751.jpg

20140312-110806.jpg

20140312-110837.jpg

20140312-110851.jpg

20140312-110943.jpg

20140312-111006.jpg

Is Cheating a Sign of Weakness?

woman-sad-couple

 

There is a big bowl of soft, delicious, aromatic, fresh baked bread in your line of sight ready for you to dig in. You salivate at the thought of the bread and butter melting in your mouth. You can taste it. You’ve been on a carb free diet for the last month. Your hunger makes you want to lunge across the table showing no shame for your lack of etiquette. You are starving, yearning for the fresh morsel of bread. To hell with who thinks what. You fall victim to weakness.

I can only imagine that this must be the same sensation that a cheater feels when they jump head first into a situation, which is without a doubt disrespectful to their partner. There is a desire and they act on it. Their impulse leads the way.

So that’s how your man must have felt when that big voluptuous butt came swinging his way at the club. He couldn’t resist, right? He was yearning for a fix. She knew what she was doing when she somehow wrapped your man into a trance without saying a word. The same way that the fresh baked bread locked you into a trance. It played to your weakness, right?

Well, it could have been that or any number of other reasons. The point, we all have our triggers. There will always be something that will tempt you to cross the imaginary boundary line that you have established for yourself. The question: will you fall to the temptation? Succumbing to the temptation is the easy way out. It takes mental and emotional strength to resist some of the things that we want most in life.

A man once shared with me that he is faithful in his relationship by choice. We all have that choice. That seems to be something that we forget. There will always be opportunities to do wrong. He stated that the reason for him not slipping out and disrespecting his relationship is due to the fact that he decided to be committed to his lover.  It was a decision that he planned on sticking to regardless of the circumstances. Let me add that based off of his looks, this man could likely pull some fly chicks, but that was no longer his angle. There have probably been days where he has had to tap into his willpower to avoid making an irreversible mistake.

People treat cheating as a simple mistake or lapse in judgment. We can all make excuses for cheating, but is it a sign of a larger character flaw?

I was watching recent episodes of Couples Therapy on VH1 the other night…

To read more visit Singleblackmale.org and check out the conversation.

xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

Ahyiana Angel Emblem Clear

Will We Play Games Until We’re Old And Wrinkled

why-women-play-hard-to-get

“I called him last so it’s his turn to call me.”

“She just text me, I’ll wait a few hours before I respond.”

“He asked me out on a Saturday. I can’t accept and seem to available, it’s after Wednesday.”

“I just got her number, I have to wait at least two days to call her.”

“I’m not going to answer his call, make him think that I’m busy.”

“If I do that he’ll know how much I really like him.”

“I’m gonna call her on the late night to see if she answers.”

Does any of this sound remotely familiar? Stop playing. I know it does. We’ve all made one or more of these comments at some point in time. This typically happens in the beginning of a relationship, the get-to-know-you phase. But does it ever really end? Or do the games that we play slightly change, elevate? Don’t most people get to a point where they say I’m tired of the games?

I was talking to a friend and he said that the games never stop. That was his opinion, but it made me wonder. I’d like to think that if you are in the right relationship the games can and will eventually stop. The two of you will ultimately end up on the same page. This opens up the door for honesty and transparency.  Can you really build a solid relationship amidst game playing?

man-on-phone-office-16052011

When I was a teen and in my early twenties, game playing was my middle name. I would call myself the queen of games. It was amusing. I didn’t have a desire for anything too serious. Plus, let’s be honest, when you are trying to juggle multiple people at one time game playing is a must. But as I’ve matured and lived a bit more I find no place for games in my life. Real life issues, goals, and problems tend to take up my time. So much so that if I have to take the time to decipher what you really mean or intend through the games then I can say without a doubt that I’ll fail each time. I don’t do games and please don’t try to make me pass some silly tests. I hate when I feel like someone is giving out tests. I’m completed all of my required education and then some. I’ll probably be an epic fail at any amateur tests.

Do you think that it would help to address game playing early on in a relationship? Maybe if you call it out early and put it on the table you can avoid it…?

xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

Ahyiana Angel Emblem Clear